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Colours of Life

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It better be stronger!
- By Rajanand kumar
Whether it is a couple with the husband in the Gulf leaving wife at home, or a couple in two transferable government jobs struggling to move authorities for a common posting, or a couple of software engineers who are often working on projects at distant locations - the phenomenon of the absent spouse does affect many marriages. Some jobs, like being in the merchant navy, also mean that a husband will be away at sea for long periods, while others in the armed forces mean not only that a partner will be away, but his or her personal safety will also be continuously at risk.

Though it was a matter of just months, after a point everyone is bound to find it difficult after a point of time. After you have lived together, any absence is really hard to bear. A partner's absence after marriage is different from being far from him or her before marriage. While love letters and phone calls can console you and keep you going when you are engaged, you really miss the person you are married to much more deeply.

A physical absence also means that there are difficulties in taking the marriage to the next stage of commitment - that of parenting and children. It is hard for the couple to plan and conceive a child if they are meeting only once in a few months. Often, the decision to have a child is put off because neither partner wants to put the wife through the difficulty of pregnancy and parenting all by herself.

Sometimes a husband's absence for long periods means that a wife becomes so self-sufficient and independent that she has problems re-adjusting and giving him the 'head of the house' title on his return. The lady of the house has to handle all the responsibilities such as money, family tantrums etc. this independence may not be comfortable for the husband when he returns.

True, absence can make the heart grow fonder...the person we miss, that presence, its endearing qualities, all the things we said and did together, are bound to have an impact on us, making us much more appreciative of the one who is not there with us.

However, absence can also weaken the bonds of marriage or relationship, by the challenges it throws in our paths. Much maturity and a genuine love and commitment towards our partners is needed to face such challenges. The willingness to work to achieve emotional stability is a must in long-term relationships. Better by far, that both partners must learn to dance together.